Sunday, December 16, 2012

Remembrance, Grief, Balance, and Living

Seagull taking flight over the ocean at sunset
 “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”
― Leo Tolstoy
Loss, grief, pain, confusion, anger, and complete sadness... such are the feelings that have coursed through my body in the last 24 hours as I've struggled with tears shed in light of the Sandy Hook shooting.  My heart has torn into pieces for the families who sent their precious angels to school only to see them become real angels before lunchtime.  I can never pretend to understand or feel the desperation and agony they must be faced with, and I pray that some sort of peace, someday, will return to their lives.

Two years ago my universe drew near to the Sandy Hook of today.  As I walked my dog a neighbor drove by asking if I knew if the reports of a shooting at our school were true.  Fear immediately gripping my entire being, my husband and I rushed to our computer to find our worst fears founded... yes, a gunman had entered our elementary school (see local article here) and reports were coming out that a child had been life flighted to Children's Hospital.  More reports stated that there may be another shooter in the area and that all area schools were on full lockdown.

Emotions I never in my life expected to experience flowed through me as we did what was probably not recommended, and rushed to our daughter's school just blocks from were the shooting occurred.  My phone was in constant action as I received texts from a distraught friend who had been returning from a field trip just as the shooting occurred.  She and her group of children had been quickly ushered into a house across the street from the school and she was watching our Carlsbad Police search the area, guns drawn, rifles pointed, etc.  She has nightmares to this day.

Two 2nd grade girls received gunshot wounds that day as they played at recess.  Thankfully, they were "only" shot in the arms and neither required long hospital stays, but the emotional wounds and physical scars will remain with them for their lifetimes.  

Pink Ranuncula Flower in honor of Sandy Hook Victims
As luck would have it, a group of three construction workers risked their own lives and tackled the shooter as he returned to his car for additional ammunition.  They are true heroes, as is the schoolyard worker who rushed towards the shooter as she yelled for the children to find cover.  She screamed at the man to stop, and in turn received a gun pointed at her head.. she would not be here today if it was not for the gun jamming.

While I can't compare our incident to that of Sandy Hook, I can understand the fear that is gripping this community across the country from me.  I can identify with the loss of innocence of kindergartners and other young children.  I can only hope that the media will leave these people alone.  For weeks after the shooting, and again at the time of the trial, our school was hounded by helicopters, news vans and the simply curious.  To the media... please go away.

I wish and pray for strength and peace for the families in Connecticut.  For those little angels whose life was stolen, I grieve for you along with the rest of our nation.  For the parents who lost the lights of their lives, my heart breaks.  And though I know their lives will be forever changed as a part of them has passed with their lost children, I pray for their strength to continue on.  For the adults who gave their lives to protect these children, they are the real heroes of our world, and I grieve along with the loved ones they left behind and thank them for their sacrifice.  For the children who lived this experience, I feel sorrow for their loss of innocence.

I don't really know how to process what has happened, but for my own children I'm trying to maintain balance. Life is not certain, but while we are here we must remember to live it.  Take a moment to love those around you.  Step away from the computer or television and enjoy a sunset with someone you love.  Forgive someone who wronged you.  I wish for us all to take the time to Liv Life in honor of those who no longer have that opportunity...

Candles with the names of the Sandy Hook Victims
Not a Liv Life Image - Photo courtesy of Lamond B


  1. There is no sense that can be made of this. My heart goes out to the parents, teachers, and community. I am glad you posted this.

  2. I couldn't agree with you more. The media just needs to go is not right what they do when tragedy hits the lives of the innocent.


Your comments make our hearts sing!